Deep breaths;

Good evening, guys. :)

I just want to say that I'm about to finish that Netflix series called "13 Reasons Why" - man... I don't think I have ever could relate to any other show more than I do this one. Granted, I have never experienced one of my friends committing suicide, but I do know what it feels like to feel empty. That was me a lot of the time in high school anyway. I remember at one point, I couldn't even go to sleep without the help of pills that eventually my parents had to hide the medicine from me. I don't think that I ever was mistreated in high school, I guess I just felt like I didn't have a reason to be there every day. The one person that I truly cared about, walked on my heart every year those 4 years - finally senior year was the close of that because I cut him out entirely. My best friend at the time? I had “bullied” (so she states) her in middle school before I realized that she was probably the best thing that had happened to me... Where is she now? That's a virtuous question; the most miserable part about that? She lives only a street away from my house. We also go to the same community college. HAHA, but that's life, right? Anyhow, every time that I personally thought about killing myself - it hurt. It truly did, and the part that hurt the most was that I was so worried that people wouldn't even notice if I was gone.

3 years after graduation, I have come to this realization just a couple days ago... Life goes on, no matter if you're having a good or a difficult day. Regardless of what kind of day it is, time literally still moves. Life doesn't pause for you if you feel bad for yourself. You must keep going. It's random, but I got an Apple watch for Christmas and there's this app on it called "Breathe" and basically what it does is - measures your heart rate through these deep breaths that you take. You can set up your watch to remind you to do it every so often or you can just start it up manually. When I first saw, this I thought "Yeah, Apple watch, cool. You're going to remind me to breath even though I literally do that impetuously." Though, nowadays; I'm getting closer to the end of my semester and work is finally slowing down and getting to the gym is a little easier, I finally have some time to breathe. I have a good routine going on right now and I am just floating on by. What I've also observed is that whenever I catch myself feeling a little troubled, what I will do is tell myself something encouraging. I've never been the one to pause and think about what I will say, but honestly lately I've been really patient these past couple of weeks. It could honestly be a number of reasons as to why I've been feeling a little calmer but whatever it could be, I'm definitely liking it. 

So, remember - if you're feeling a little uneasy, pause and take 1 minute to take some deep breaths and to tell yourself that you're going to be okay and that you're taking it day by day. It will get easier and it will make your life just a tad healthier. It's almost like I've been floating on a boat since I haven't been feeling any stress lately.

You're beautiful so go kick some ass today.

- Iris Kotico :)