Coming from a family that's been dysfunctional since the very beginning - you as a person become 1 of 2 human beings. 1). You push through the struggle and feel that you have to do much better than how you were - meaning that you never forget where you came from nor do you ever want to feel that way again. Or 2). You get so low with yourself, mentally that you feel like nothing is worth living and you become the worst of the worst. Everyone has that one person in the immediate family that's the screw up, but then there's always that one specific family in the extended family, that's just completely fucked up. (excuse my french) Though, I do feel like my family is the fuck up.
In my opinion, (this is also probably from personal experience) I've struggled before, in my younger years and I'm not sure if you can really call it having "anxiety" then only because I was a very hormonal teenager. Not to mention that at that same time, my mother was in the middle of falling in love with such a great man that I was feeling somewhat rejected. Needless to say, the first years of the marriage were a little hard. Having my biological father passing away at a very young age and not having a father figure does put a toll on a girl growing up. She doesn't get any guidance as to who she shouldn't date because no one is there to help her weed out the jerks, nor is there anyone to kill any spiders or roaches that are in the bathroom while she's taking a poop, but the worst one? That no one is there to put her pick up the pieces when someone breaks her heart, regardless as to if it's losing a best-friend or a boyfriend. So at the end of the day, I had to grow some balls and become my own hero. I never wanted to feel so low again in my life and thus far, I feel like I've been doing such a great job. People always tell me that I work too much or that I'm such a busy body that I need to take time to "smell the roses" - but why? I'm a go-getter. That's how I make myself happy. I'm all about making money so that I can spend my money on things that make me even more happy. People say that I go to the gym too much, but why? I find the gym to be a very therapeutic place. It's a place where I can lose and gain at the very same time. Being with myself makes me happy and I'm completely okay with being on my own. I've practically lived all my 21 years by myself, literally other than my mother & little brother. To me, it's so easy to watch people walk away, I've experienced that almost my whole life so it's never anything new for me. Again, every person is different and no one will ever walk the same path of life as you, but I think life is all about your attitude. The way you look at life is exactly what life will give you. I'm not sure about you, but I think life is a little easier while smiling.
Sometimes it's easier to go through life being busy because then you don't have time to think about the shitty things that are happening around you. (this is also a personal opinion)
Also, never judge anyone because you really don't know what they're going through or have been gone through. I believe that you're strong enough to live this life. Remember - God throws the most difficult fights to his strongest soldiers. So you will prevail - life gets better. There always has to be a storm before a rainbow.
You're beautiful & you're a badass. Go kick life in the ass. I believe that you can get through whatever it is that you're going through right now.
- Iris :)
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