What's the scariest part of being in a relationship? There's just so many things to think about when you're in a relationship.. Honestly, I used to be the first one to try to jump into one, I was such a hopeless romantic... Wait, scratch that-I guess I'm still a hopeless romantic.. But, the past is what makes us the people we are today. We have to learn from our mistakes & our experiences. There's no doubt that change is definitely a really big part of life, there's no way around it. Though, I do have to say.... This past year has been amazing. 2016 has been so great to me so far.
I actually was in a 2+ year relationship that I'm happy happened, but also so happy & grateful that I'm out of. I thought that I was just so fucking happy, I thought no one could make me happier & I thought that I finally had found the one that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Of course, this is coming from a girl that had just graduated high school, just started her first job & had an older guy tell her that he loved her. I was head over heels over this guy, I did anything & everything in my will to be with this guy. Right then & there, I knew that I needed to leave - IF YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR HIS ATTENTION, GET OUT. LEAVE. But again, I was young & native. I didn't know better. It was literally the most unhealthy, disgusting relationship I had ever dealt with. I'm positive that every couple goes through all of their own ups & downs, but this one was ridiculous. Those 2 years were an emotional rollercoaster, I'm kind of happy that it was my first real relationship, because I now know what to look for & what not to look for. Don't get me wrong, I loved that guy, I really did see myself with him for a really long time, but he just wasn't right for me. Sometimes, love isn't enough; as sad as it is, that's just the reality of it all. We had some really good times, but then there were some very very dark times, we had our fair share of them all, but like I said, the past makes us who we are. I came out of that relationship stronger than I have ever been. I think sometimes the bad shit happens to people to show them what we're really made of & to push us back on track. When I met him, I had just started my first year of college & I had just started working my first job. I was young & I was kind of sheltered growing up, so I thought I was grown & that I could do whatever I wanted, but look what happened... LOL I moved out of my parents' house 3 times to move in with him, NOT THE GREATEST IDEA. I ended up not going to school & just working full time as a server... Paying real bills; rent, phone bills, utilities, etc.. I thought I was on top of the world & I was finally an adult. BOY WAS I WRONG. Struggling like that has opened my eyes to appreciate the value of the dollar & most importantly, MY PARENTS. I remember one night, we were so broke that we ended up going to McDonald's using change that we found around the apartment & ate dinner with candles on because the lights were cut off. The struggle bus was so real at that time.
So nowadays, being single for about a year has been so good to me. I've found myself that I had lost during those 2 years. I'm back on track with school & I'm doing so much better. I never actually knew how sad & how depressed I was during those times until I didn't have to deal with it anymore. I think the worst part of it all was the fact that I was caught up, I didn't realize that I wasn't happy. I was blinded by the thought of love. I wasn't even IN love with him, I was in love with the THOUGHT of him. I kept thinking that I could change him, even worse? I thought that I wasn't enough, I thought I was the one doing something wrong. But that's the problem, he was manipulative & deceiving. I'm upset with myself because I let go of who I was & I wasted my time.
With that being said, you can't cry over spilled milk & you're stronger than you think. You're amazing & you don't need a boy's approval for that; ANYONE'S approval, matter of fact. You can do bad all by yourself. We, human beings, are capable of the greatest things in the world. YOU are beautiful the way you are. Do not doubt yourself because someone puts you down, if they do, DUMP THEM. It's okay to be alone, trust me, I know all about that.
P.S.- your younger days should be when you're the most selfish, that's when you truly find yourself. Also, don't forget -
You can never love someone unless you can love yourself first.
You're amazing & beautiful so go kick ass today :)
- Iris Kotico
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